| May. 26th, 2004 @ 05:51 pm May 23- 25, 2004 |
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Last weekend on my way to small craft safety training my car broke down. Last week after a very stressful week of helping my dad try to fix my car and deciding when i was going to make it over to orlando to visit lindsay, i finally came to the conclusion that it would be sunday. Last week i mentioned my excursion to orlando to a former (__). brittany. She was more than ecstatic when i asked her if she wanted to come along as well. Knowing that lindsay would not want her to stay at her apartment with us, i found her a place to stay for the two nights we were there. That home happened to be with none other than a now former friend linda and her girl friend Mai. Linda seemed more than generous to have her stay with her. This is because brittany and linda had been talking and becoming VERY close friends since early December. This is only a few months after brittany and I ended everything completely.
A few weeks ago i found out that Linda was coming to see brittany in St. pete. Without telling me. When i asked brit about it she said that i was invited. So against my better judgment i went. I was extremely upset that linda had the balls to go behind my back and meet with my ex that i still cared about, Let alone bring her girl friend with her to meet with someone she had feelings for. But that day went without any inclination of linda liking brittany more than a friend. SO i though nothing of it when she offered her the couch in her apartment.
Sunday the 23rd or May.
I left my house around 4:20 and went down to westshore to meet brittany. around 5 we left for orlando. Conversation was good, when arriving in orlando we picked up a friend and went over to publix to get all the stuff we needed for the BBQ that we were going to have that night. Linda and Mai met up with us there. After leaving there we proceeded to north gate and up to linda's apartment to start cooking. I went down stairs to start the grill and people were running up and down the stairs trying to get everything ready. Lindsay showed up and for about 8 mins everyone was up stairs and we could convently talk. Mai went and got one of her friends and than we all pig out on hot dogs hamburgers mac and cheese chips cookies and this nasty strawberry bear.
We cleaned everything up and went up stairs. Lindsay had to go study so Mai her self and monkey left to go to denny's. While brittany, linda, Genn and my self proceded to watch mulan and play BS and drink vodka and the nasty strawberry beer. On Lindsay return i got my stuff together and rode with her back to her place.. and proceeded to keep her from her studies.
The next morning we were to meet with Mai linda and brittany and go over to my new apartment and sign the lease and everything. But Mai never made it over there. Lindsay had a missed call at 8 Am saying that her and linda broke up and that linda was now professing her love for brittany. Not to mention that while she was in linda's bedroom all night linda proceeded to cuddle with brittany (not to mention had a girl friend at the time) on the couch.
SO i drove one car with brittany in it and lindsay drove the other car with linda in it.. and we tried to find a feasible answer to why this happened. things like.. "we're both cancers... ... we have a special connection..." and "... you can't control who you love..." and other things along those lines we said. also things like they had problem before this was self contradicted by i don't know exactly what was going on between them and a plethora of other words came out of mouths trying to justify this great travesty.
After a very uncomfortable lunch lindsay went to class i dropped linda off at her apartment and went to petland with brittany. I can not explain how hurt and disappointed i was when this happened. This is not only because Mai was a good friend of mine, someone i respected and trusted, but the fact that i trusted linda and brittany.
i was crushed, because i had brought brittany to orlando and if i hadn't this wouldn't have happened. so i went to the mall and met up with some friends than dropped brittany off at linda's house.
I was glad to have her away and out of my mind, because my head was crushing inside my head when she was sitting next to me. So i went to my good friend tabby's house and told her everything, and very calmly explained things to me and helped me sort things out in my head. Than lindsay tabby mai and monkey went to go look at the apartment, which was closed, but oh well. But we hung out and than we left tabby to her studies. The rest of us went to dinner at moe's and the 'Home-wrecker' suitably became my dinner.
After being kicked out of moe's after closing we all headed on our separate ways. Lindsay and i were talking as she was trying to study. I had other issues with other people that happend and i ended up haveng an emotional break down and almost killed the cat. But i ended up taking pills, got my feet rubbed and passed out as I tried to refuel my emotional and physically draind body with sleep.
Tuesday morning came early. We dragged tabby at 9 to go look at the apartments which convently didn't open till 10, which is the when tabby had class. So we looked at the bare 4 bedroom place and than went to starbucks for coffee. We met mai there and talked for a bit than we departed and lindsay and i went on campus to take care of my financial aid stuff and to the gym to look for a job in the fall. Mai had called me and wanted to know when i was going to get brittany, and asked if she could come along as well to get some pots that she had left over there. SO we met up at subway so i could get my car, and we headed over there. I don't think linda was expecting to see myself lindsay mai and one of mai's old room mates on the other side of the door. But we came in Mai got her pot's and i forced her to take her mice that she had bought when they were together. So we left... i gave lindsay a good bye kiss and hug and brittany and i were back on our way to tampa.
All of this is VERY distressing to me because of several reasons.
1. brittany was someone that i dated for an extended period of time and still cared about. Linda was one of my friends, someone that i thought to be good friends with. ... What ever happened to that unwritten rule about how you never date a close friends X?
2. Brittany represented my past life and who i was when i lived in tampa. I live in orlando now, i have grown up and out of my shell. Having linda first of all talking to brittany shook who i was to my inner core. Let alone her meeting her brought everything that i was and had been crashing together.
3. It was not fair of this to happen to Lindsay. She is someone that i love and care for deeply. She has been there for me through alot of crap and i respect and cherish her deeply. And to have someone purposely make her feel uncomfortable and bring her to tears is uncalled for and not needed at all. Let alone take her opinion and how she feels about this situation, trash it, drag it through the mud that you now reside in is a blow to her and me as well.
4. Mai. This girl is the sweetest person i have met in a long time. She not only is funny and cool to be around but she is down to earth and very committed and caring. She not only did everything for linda at the drop of a hat but paid for everything from dinner and mice to school tuition and rent. She did all of these things knowing that she wouldn't need to be paid back. That is just the kind of person she is a caring and always giving or her time and money. She knew there were problems between there relationship and tried to get out as well but linda kept pulling her back with i love you's and i need you's. But now we ask our selves why? For love? For money? For transportation? for what?
5. Me.. Friendship you ask? Whould i stop talking to someone just because of who they talk to or date? In this situation Yes i would. I have every right to. I had not only told both of you that i had a bad feeling about you both talking. Now i see why. If you had any sort or respect for OUR friendship, FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND, for brittany's GIRL FRIEND, For Lindsay, and anyone else your actions ended up involving you would have though about your actions and your words before sunday night. You not only squashed and disintegrated any sort of friendship that you and i had, you killed any friendship you had between Lindsay, Mai, monkey, and Mai's roommate's. You have become a person who likes to hurt people emotionally. You manipulate and try to make your self the center of attention every where you are because you don't want to be lost in the abyss of everyday life. You are scared of forever, and you don't know what you want in a relationship or out of life. You deceived, connived, hurt, and stab at every person you have met. And i'm sorry. I wish that i could rise up from this and forget it. But i can't. this struck home, with to many people. And i'm not willing to give either of you my respect or trust, let alone friendship. |
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